"How to date a brown girl (black girl, white girl, or halfie)"

Junot Diaz's piece "How to date a brown girl (black girl, white girl, or halfie)" is about how to act when you are on a date with a girl that you have just asked out, whether she is black, white, or a halfie. While reading this story, I mostly noticed the humor and tactics/advice that I agreed or disagreed with.

One quote from Diaz that I thought was just hilarious was when he said, "She'll say, I like Spanish guys, and even though you've never been to Spain, say, I like you. You'll sound smooth." There were a lot of other lines like this throughout this piece, which I enjoyed and found entertaining. These are entertaining because of the tone of voice he writes with, but not because of the racism involved. He makes some racial references regarding his treatment from certain people and how to treat others of various races. He advised the reader on what to do and what not to do on a date like this. 

I agreed with him on some things and disagreed with him on others, but this would be my advice:

There are four simple rules.

First off, never even think about taking her on a movie date to a "guy" movie, (and you know what I mean), unless you know for a fact that she likes those kind of things beforehand. 

Secondly, you shall not, under ANY circumstances, speak to her while you have food in your mouth, no matter where it is located. I don't care if it's hidden under your tongue, tucked in between your teeth and the side of your cheek, or stuck to the roof of your mouth: if your date sees even the tiniest bit of that stuff, you're done for. 

Third of all, be a gentleman by doing nice things like opening doors for her and carrying her popcorn to the theater. Maybe even buy her the popcorn if you are feeling exceptionally chivalrous.  

Last but certainly not least, do not let her fall asleep the night of the date without receiving a nice text from you saying how much fun you had and thanking her for coming.